Sisterly Connections

Blogging without obligation

2009-03-30T20:58:00.004-05:00

I haven't had the time to devote to blogging here.. and I doubt that this will change any time soon.. So I've decided to update here WITHOUT OBLIGATION. Meaning, when I post, I post. I will not be deleting the blog, because eventually it is going to be something a little near to awesome. I hope. So if you want to follow this blog, please do.. It will be available.

I'll be back soon.

It's all in the MINDSET

2009-03-13T09:49:00.006-05:00

Now that I'm beginning to take my home based direct sales business much more seriously, I've discovered some things about me. In the beginning.. 16 years ago, I had no fears about being self employed. I knew I could do it. Succeed and achieve. And I did. Not on the grander scale that I would have preferred.. And here's why not:

I forgot to guard my mind.

16 years later: Now that I've made the decision to not be constantly on the look out for another job that keeps me just over broke, and on the stat roll of the under and or unemployed, and I've decided that enrolling in another class to get trained and certified do more stuff I don't want to do for a living, was not the answer for me. I recognize that the reason I haven't succeeded on the grander scale on my own terms is because - of my thinking.

I have learned to listen to my self limiting thoughts, my inner critic, and I developed some self-sabotaging behaviors, brought on by a host of other fears that kept me from achieving the level of success I wanted.

Just a couple of days ago, I blogged about being afraid.. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of overwhelm, fear of rejection, fear of what people would think of me if I promoted myself and my business, or worse, if I actually made great money and achieved some semblance of wealth!

Isn't that dumb?

As I think about it, I do not personally know anyone with personal wealth. I know it's harder these days to see that on any scale, with the economy the way it is.. We've heard the news stories.. of all the losses.. But I have met many successful direct sales leaders only because I've sought them out. Picked their brains, asked them for advice. So I could use what they know for my benefit. And this is where I am today..

The new thing I am teaching myself to do is tame my brain critic by limiting her airtime and play positive messages in my mind instead.

Here are a few ways (I picked up over at Motivation Peek) to get your mind to behave so that you can take on new adventures in life with confidence.

You want more recognition, but you're afraid to stick your neck out. The next time a self-limiting thought like, I'll never be able to...pops into your head, turn it into a strategy statement. Instead of, I'll never get promoted, try: I'll probably get promoted if I take the lead on that new project and succeed. (Or some other sensible strategy).

Rotten luck got you stuck? Learn to turn every complaint (yours or anyone else's) into a question. Complaints are statements of defeat and come across as whining. Questions, on the other hand, put the power back in your hands by sending you in search for a solution. For example, if you catch yourself saying, "Everyone's in a rotten mood today!" (a complaint), turn it into the question, "What can I do to lighten things up?"

Watch your language, especially when you talk to yourself. The ability to take risks is built on how you rebound from mistakes. The next time you trip up, notice what you say. Do you pummel yourself with insults: "Idiot! Jerk! Why do you always do that?" Stop right in the middle of your verbal self-abuse and pretend that you are talking to a good friend who had just made the same mistake. You'd say something like, "Hey, you did the best you could. Now, pick yourself up and try again. There is no shame in failing...only if you fail to try."

Play by your own rules. The next time you want to do something new, but your inner critic says you shouldn't, push back with the question, why not? If the answer is, "It's not polite," or "What will people think," or " I'll look like a fool," you're playing by someone else's rules. Stop shouldering on yourself, and go with your gut. Follow the urge to swim in the deep end now and then. What's the worst that can happen? You're not perfect? Join the rest of the world. And the best outcome? You took a risk and survived and are better because of it. Confidence is built one stretch at a time, and if you stretch often, your enjoyment of life becomes ever-expanding.

Feed your esteem. If you want to be more open to adventure, growth, and spontaneous fun, you'll have to starve your brain critic and feed your inner confidence coach. Start each day with a self-affirming statement: "I'm hot, I'm smart, and I'm ready for anything," or "I'm confident, competent, and full of energy." Give yourself compliments that pump up your sense of power. Remember, we are all bombarded every day with subtle and not-so-subtle messages of how "challenging" (scary, dangerous, etc.) things are. Defy them with your own inner dialogue of hope, confidence and strength.

If you think I'm focused on wealth. I am. But not so much as I am focused on being free and helping others have that if they want it. I guess that's why I'm writing about this now.

I just totally believe that I can make a lot more money having a business of my own, than I did when I was working for someone who made five times as much money as I did, traveled 90% of the time, had a husband with an intense travel schedule, boys in high school and a mother in another state seriously ill from cancer. And she didn't seem all that happy. In fact, the more I got to know her, the more I knew that she was faking it. Pretending to be happy to make a living.

I'm not criticizing people who are content with their jobs and careers and have higher corporate ambitions. This isn't a criticism at all. I'm really talking to the sisters out there who are like me.. who want something else, something more, but have these negative forces at work in our minds.. telling us things that just are not true.

This week, I used my fear to catapult me into a different mindset. I'm more focused and I'm getting more done than ever before. I've stopped procrastinating and started DOING what it takes to get the results I want as a self employed person. It's been a little tough, but I've done it! And I'll keep doing it!

You can too!

And do yourself a favor ....

Many blessings!
Thanks for reading.

Nadya is our Sister, Too!

2009-03-11T16:17:00.006-05:00

[Copied from my other blog JackiesMagic, original post entitled: Behold, Our 8 more children]

... Ok. So she should have had enough sense or counseling from someone else with enough sense, to tell her to stop at six! But there's no law against having many babies. And if we had such a law, we wouldn't stand for it. And what's it to the next person that she profits from her plight? Somebody's got to provide for them, and since she's the mother, why can't we support and encourage her to do whatever it takes within the law? We don't have any right to declare a moral stand against this woman!

We don't want her on welfare but we don't want her to get any t.v. or book deals. We are appalled that she's asking for help via donations on her Nadya Suleman Family Website. And for heaven's sake, we don't dare watch a REALITY SHOW with her on it! If Ruby can have one? And what's his name?... Flavor Flav can have one.. Why not her?

And listen... Have we forgotten about the children? Ok... So, they're not just hers anymore, but they belong to all of us now. Still.. They deserve to have a healthy home and mother who has been FORGIVEN for taking on more than she can handle by herself, if nothing else. Haven't we all been there & done that? What's the matter with us?!! Judging her!

Though I admit, I couldn't help but notice that fresh french manicure of hers! LOL. I gave up my own salon manicures and pedicures a few months back so I could show my own daughter that since we were earning less, I was willing to give up a none essential so she wouldn't have to.

Since it's Valentine's season I feel the more excellent way is to love the mother, there-by loving the children. Don't keep her out of our hearts because we see her as different or wrong. This is a call for us to awaken to our spiritual power and evolution and embrace her as a member of our family that is truly one in God.

And since it's Abraham Lincoln's birthday let's recall a portion of his 2nd inaugural address and apply it to this situation:

"...With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds .......... to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves .... "

Since November 4, 2008, our lives have changed for the better, right? Where we see all people as brothers and sisters and loved ones, right? One with God? Right? So who's to say what God has in store for these 14 children and their mother to teach us all? Or, for them to learn from us what the true meaning of love is. So let's, said Emerson "...just trust the Creator for all we have not seen."

We all make mistakes. You without sin cast the first stone. And please let us know if you break anything so we can forgive YOU, too!

Afraid & Doing It Anyway!

2009-03-11T14:32:00.010-05:00

A few weeks ago I made a commitment to go from being gainfully unemployed to being fiercely self employed. I began to look for and connect to some high powered direct sales leaders who have been where I'm trying to get. Nine months of living on less via the unemployment checks and child support that may or may not come, I had to do something other than what I was already doing.

I've been feeling and praying that I want empowerment and wealth. My daughter is 15 going on 30, but she has aspirations waaaay beyond getting a drivers license and a high school diploma. I haven't the slightest interest in college or trade school. Since 1980, I've gone through two trade schools, studied two foreign languages, had two enlistments in the Navy, and endured two major job losses that I didn't see coming. I'm no worst for the wear, but I'm not exactly fiercely better off!

Having a home business was easy when I didn't need to rely on it totally to take care of the little things and the big things, and everything in between. As I write this I feel like weeping because I feel the high anxiety of not having the support of my friends and family whom I desperately need. I feel like the ones who know me best will not support me. At all. These are the guys who will offer me excuses, leaving me to ask strangers or acquaintances. Which, I can so totally do without abusing any substances.. LOL

If I told you I want to be rich. Would you think it possible? If I said I'm ready to live the concierge lifestyle, would begrudge? Not having sisters of my own makes it difficult for me to have the support I want and need.. Any girl friends I might have acquired on my last job, don't even take me seriously.. I think. Anyway, I'm certain they don't want me to ask them to book a party or come to one of mine.

I once had a friend who is an artist, tell me.. "You should get a regular job," when I invited her to one of my home parties.. A week later she sent me an email invitation to a art gallery exhibit of her art work. I just couldn't be friends with someone who wouldn't support what I was doing but would turn around and ask me to come and bring all of my friends to her art exhibit. I don't get that?

Am I complaining because I feel like I won't be successful at my home business? No. Am I afraid that my friends and family won't support me? No. I predict that for every two people I ask that say "No," a 3rd person will say "Yes." I've done it before! Like I said, I just wasn't doing it for a real live living. Now I am.

I was once in single parent support group at a church, and one of the other mothers came in with a testimony about her day. She said she'd been approached by a Mary Kay rep, offering her compliments and a complimentary facial. The Mary Kay rep lavished her with praise on how beautiful and poised she was. Her complaint to our group was that she blasted the rep and told her to get out of her face with that none-sense. She told her to get a real job! Then I asked her, "Why did you do that?" She thought that it was just a line to try and get her to buy something..

What?!! I told her that this is the likely damage she did to that Sister: She probably scared her out of trying to be in business for her self. I told her any amount of money she might have spent on products from her, wasn't going to be enough to make her wealthy. I told her that being a rep for Mary Kay was likely this Sister's attempt to gain some self esteem and self respect, and some extra income in her bank account to pay some bills.. And that she probably destroyed all of that, by being rude and very ungodly in her response to the offering of a sincere compliment. I told her that she is beautiful and poised when she's not being rude and nasty toward others. And I asked her to never treat another Sister like that again. I told her this in front of the rest of the group.

Whew!

When I first started writing this, I think I was feeling that my desire to have wealth and security and power might mean I'd have to give up something of my spiritual self to get there. I've been doing the business development needful, but now it's time for feet to hit the pavement and I totally want my spiritual self to get me there! Not my need to build it big!

It's just that I'm so tired of pretending like I don't have any weaknesses, or insecurities or vulnerabilities.. when I know very well that I do. I just have to manage them, and move forward. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway! Avoiding the comfort of luscious Toll House chocolate chip cookies, and those ever so awesome green apple slush at Sonic, and Starbucks Mocha Caramel frappuccino extra icy!

I've been through loneliness, rejection and crushing disappointments before, and I can handle what ever loneliness, rejection and crushing disappointments await me as I build a home business that will create the life I love.

Instead of asking for what I want from lack of not having it, I just have to imagine myself surrounded with the conditions that I want. - Wayne Dyer

I can imagine myself fearless and surrounded by plenty of supportive friends. I imagine myself having what it takes. I imagine that people will love me and what I do. I imagine that I will be blessed so that I can bless others!

Are you someone who is in business for yourself whether it's direct sales or you own a franchise, or are a franchisee, or you have created and developed entirely a business that is entirely your own? It would be wonderful to get some feed back from you who or other Sisters you know who have made it past the first big frightening hurdle... on to the next big frightening hurdles and beyond!

Please share your comments here.

Please invite other sisters to share here!

I need it!

WE all need it!

Oh Sisters.. Where Art Thou?

2009-02-18T08:24:00.011-06:00

I've been thinking about how to follow up my introduction post on February 14th. And I suddenly started remembering some Sisters of old. I don't have a sister of my own, so I've always relied on class mates, co-workers and neighbors for friendship. Always claiming everyone I felt close to as my sister.. and only one as my Best Friend.

HIGH SCHOOL SISTERS:
In high school, I had 4-6 real sisters . We were thick as thieves. But I have no clue where there are today. Except for Charlotte. She was killed in a car accident in 1980. I think that if the car accident had never happened, me, Angela and Regina and Charlotte would still be the best of friends. Man! I miss them! Angela and I went back to 9th grade journalism, but the others, somehow we ended up on the bowling team together and that was it! Of the all the friends I had through jr high and high school, these girls were a bit more worldly than the others. Angela and Regina had adult siblings, and their parents were very permissive. We could drink openly at Angela's house. Well.. she did. Charlotte and I came from a household of boys. And I was the only one in this crew who had a single mom. We looked great together. Like Charlies Angels. I'll see if I can find a photo to post!

As I recall, Charlotte was pretty much the glue that held us together in our senior year. Literally. She was always our designated driver. In fact, when she died, it is told that she was talked into going out that night with a couple of other girls, who were also killed in the crash.

JR. HIGH SCHOOL SISTERS:
Earlier, in jr. high I had my marching band buddies.. Alicia, a different Charlotte, Sandra, Pamela and Norvella. We were all clarinet players. In 11th grade, Alicia, Norvella and I went from being in the band to being award winning ROTC girls drill team squad members. We traveled a lot more! I remember how much more fun ROTC was than band. Around 1984/85 I looked up Alicia and called her. She was going to a small town Christian college. At the time I was attending bar tending school, and she told me she had done the same thing, but struggled with the morality of being a bar tender. I haven't heard from her since we talked that day. I saw Norvella at a public event a couple of summers ago, and the others I have no idea where they are.

After high school, I joined the Navy and Angela joined the Air Force and the others went to college. Angela and I both had siblings that graduated in 1982. We were both there for the gradutation, and she brought one of her Air Force friends, and introduced me as her "Best Friend." I had no idea she considered me her best friend. I was honored. From that time on, that's what I thought of her as. My best friend. Regina went on to get her degree in accounting. I remember us laughing our *bleeps* off about Regina being the oldest living college student. It seems like she took forever to get that degree!

NAVY SISTERS:
After my first duty station in the Navy, I only managed to accumulate only a hand full of sister friends from Deb to Dean to Angela (a different Angela). I learned to shoot pool and play Pole Position with Deborah. She could do all that with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other! She was from somewhere in Georgia. And was still in Meridian when I left for Spain on Dec 31, 1980. I was a letter writer and she was not. I didn't hear from her. In 1992, when I lived in Atlanta I looked her up and found her. We talked maybe 1 or 2 times on the phone. She had a painful disease.. I don't remember what it was, but.. I do remember that she was very ill and taking lots of medication. She didn't sound good at all on the phone. Somehow in my spirit I feel like she hasn't survived it. I can't seem to find her.

And then there was the lady everyone called Dean. That was her middle name. She didn't really like her middle name. We became instant best friends in Spain. She had lots of personality and attitude! She hailed from Detroit, and she was happy as hell! She smoked and cussed and wasn't very feminine.. yet she always had a boyfriend! I left her in Spain 1984, and she wrote me quite a few juicy gossip filled letters. I managed to find Dean again back in 1998.. She was single parenting 3 boys! OMG! And she was very ill and on Disability. Still the same old loud mouth cool a**ed Dean! I miss her! Gotta find her! We kept in touch, at first. Eventually that dwindled down to holiday cards with photos, and then we eventually slipped each others minds.

Then there is my other Angela. How do I describe my relationship with Angela? I was given her job when I got to Jacksonville.. because she'd lost her security clearance as the result of a Navy background check. Even so, she and I became friends and room mates. She was not a good room mate plus she flirted with my boyfriend. Calling him at work behind my back; and referring to him to me and others, as a beautiful teddy bear. Which he was! (smiling) When I decided to move out, she got nasty! So much so we couldn't even work together in the same office. By the time our squadron went on deployment, a few months later, she and I were bitter enemies. While on deployment, some ugly rumors surfaced about her, that I knew were absolutely untrue. And I told everyone they weren't true. One night, we were working together and she opened up to me.. about what she heard I'd done for her. She asked me to forgive her, and it was done. We were friends again! And we kept in close contact until December 23, 2001.

In July 2001, she was quickie divorcing her second husband. And called me practically every day crying. They lived way beyond their means, which is what their marital problems stemmed from. Only she didn't see it that way. She had a $1800 monthly mortgage, a brand new Maxima, a house full of furniture from Haverty's, and her full time tuition and her secretaries salary. But she didn't want to lose any of it. She asked me to move in to Atlanta with her. My contract with a telecom company was ending and I was looking for something more! I'd lived in Atlanta before, and.. knew that it was a land of opportunity! Now since I had a child .. I admit I had visions of grandeur about our future there. But I also had flashbacks of a past life with this notoriously volatile Angela. I prayed and prayed.. Operating out of love and forgiveness I took a preliminary trip to Atlanta to talk out the details. THAT was a huge house! But I was confident we could make better room mates than before and make this work. The 2nd trip I made was with my daughter and her cat and some of our stuff. That was August 2001. I got my daughter immunizations, enrolled her in school, and girl scouts.. found a pediatrician.. Even found us a nearby Unity Church, then I was on the hunt for a job! Then suddenly: BOOM! .... BOOM! It was September 11th.

That day marked the end of our sisterhood. No one was able to get a job. Including me. Then she told me... "This is business." If I couldn't help pay half her mortgage..which was not the deal in the first place, then I needed to get out by October 26th. I said, "Angela, $900 is rent in an apartment that I could live in without you!" I was not going to pay $900 monthly to live in a mansion that couldn't even begin to partially belong to me! October 26th is my daughter's birthday and we were planning a party. But we ended up moving into a hotel suite that accepted pets, 12 miles away from my daughter's school. And we had her party there! A sleep over, in fact! And we stayed there until I couldn't stand it anymore. I tried to find another place to live that I could afford until I got a job. As a matter of fact, I almost rented a house that had been rented by one of the 9-11 high-jack terrorists. But on December 23, we packed up, put some things in storage in a friends garage, and drove back to Dallas. Needless to say, 'that' Angela and I are not friends anymore. And never can be!

-- Recently, my daughter told me, it was a very hard and sad time for her to leave her school and friends in Atlanta. I hadn't realized it. I was just trying to survive. I guess survival has been the name of the game since September 11th, huh.

Alana. I met her in Atlanta in 1993. She was married, but separated from her husband shortly after we became friends. She was a Navy airplane mechanic by day going to nursing school by night. She had a toddler named Ashley. Her husband lost his job, and seemed jealous of her achievements in the Navy and in her studies. They argued one night and he hit her. She put him out! I remember her telling me.. "Jackie, I love him, but I told him when we got married.."If you ever hit me. You're out."" She wasn't kidding. I can't find her now.

AFTER THE NAVY SISTERS (WHEN I HAD MY BABY):
1993 was the year I got pregnant. I was 31 years old. I didn't want to marry my child's father, so I left Atlanta and came home to Dallas. Where I didn't know anybody anymore. Of my old friends and acquaintances from childhood, I was the only one with one brand new baby. Everyone else was light years ahead of me in the mommy department. It was astonishing to realize that it was really easy for (other) women I knew to get pregnant and have 3-6 babies in the time it took me to make 1.

I started going to church and got a little religion. But it was very hard for me to have friendships with women. No one in church wanted to be my friend. Well, the single women I could relate to. They were all looking for husbands. I wasn't but they were. And I understood it. The married ladies, I think they were afraid of me. At least that's how it appeared. There I was, 31, attractive, smart, single, with a beautiful little girl.. who was smart as the dickens! I eventually noticed that when ever I entered the room, at church social or study functions, women grabbed their husbands. That happened at the big Baptist church, and the starter Bible Fellowship that now serves hundreds 3 times on Sunday mornings!

When I went back to work, and tried to make friends. All the single women had children, but they were seemingly in the streets, partying, on the prowl.. And the married ones were just slap worn out!

And here's one friend..that stands out in my mind. Renee. We're the same but we're different. We became friends on my last job. She came to me, befriended me. Extended, offered, supported, encouraged, made me laugh, prayed with and for me. I did and felt the same way about her. She never seemed to need anything. At work she had my back I had hers. I trust her. But since I dont' work there any more, I don't hear from her as much. And she lives clear on the other side of town! Her daughter is all grown up, and she's spending great time with her husband. She's my sister and I am lonely for her. It's hard to get with her. She'll probably read this and feel sad. But I don't want her to feel that way. This is just me, telling a story, in hopes of opening up others eyes about.. who our sisters are, and what sisters mean, if we pay attention!

So.. here I am in February 2009. 46 years old. Lonely as all get out for all (except 1) of my sisters!

Where are they?

The Story Behind Sisterly Connections

2009-02-14T20:27:00.017-06:00

My name is Jackie and I'm delighted to have you visit my new blog, Sisterly Connections. Why have I created this blog?

In May 2008, I lost my job after a corporate merger. During my job search I ran into someone with a familiar face and name. Someone I knew in high school.. We weren't in the same circle, but it was so good to see her again after all these years. We exchanged contact info and agreed to keep in touch. In the meantime, I became a blue blooded blogger (here) with several posts to my credit before I sent her a link! Before I knew it, she was my number one fan! Calling me and emailing often with comments about how much she loved what I was writing! I was encouraged by her voice and praise. Unemployment blues aka depression sometimes loomed and I was almost on the verge of hitting "delete this blog" and thoughts of "delete this life" because I felt so insignificant. Then, I'd here from her with more encouragement to keep on blogging!

By the end of 2008 I was sick and tired of being sick, and decided to go ahead with a life changing hysterectomy. She was not only my biggest blog follower, but a great source of inspiration and encouragement regarding this surgery. Before my surgery she insisted that I call her if I needed anything! She said she was just a phone call away! That made me fee great! Although I didn't think I'd have the need to impose on her the way she insisted that I should/could.

Her promises sounded like this song to me:

(Click the PLAY button to listen while you read. First! You have to click the PAUSE button on the Sisterly Connections PLAYER below.)

My surgery was Jan. 5th. A couple of weeks into recovery I called her with a question and left a voice message, eagerly awaiting a reply ... that never came. 4-5 days later I called her cell phone again. No reply. Every 4-5 days I'd try her at home or on her cell phone. With no response from her. By that time, I was getting a little worried. I emailed her just once between calls, and got no response to my email. I mean, I hadn't really known her but a few months, but her not responding was very unusual. In the midst of all my concern, I wrote this blog post about my feelings. As a last resort I called her work number and -on her personal phone extension I left a detailed voice message. No reply.

A few days after the Presidential Inauguration on Jan. 20th, she emailed me and left me a couple of voice messages explaining that she'd taken some time off, and skipped town.. without taking her cell phone. I was relieved & so glad to hear from her! However, I was feeling that a courtesy call before the trip was the more sisterly way. Why didn't she just let me know she was going away -before she went away?

I had no idea, that it was just her personal custom - to take off without notice on extended vacations and not take her cell phone! Ever. Now I do. She asked me in an email today to realize that she's extremely busy and to not misinterpret her behavior. She also said "I'm so used to being the giver and caretaker, that I don't realize other people care about me."

The problem for me is.. This is not the first time a woman friend has -for lack of a better term- ignored my personal sensibilities about what friendship is or means. It must be something about me. Her behavior was normal for her. Mine was normal for me.

Now that I know what she's about.. I'm don't feel misunderstood any more. And nothing else matters.

However! Through nearly 9 months of "gainful unemployment" and through the multitude of pre & post op agonies and wonderings regarding my body and my womanhood, I have changed! I never gave much thought to sister-hood more than I have to motherhood, until I was flat on my back, out of commission, totally dependent upon others for just about everything. I wanted and needed the companionship and physical and emotional support of a sister and my mother (since I have one), more than I needed any meds or bed rest! I was really looking forward to getting phone calls and visits from my friend that never came. BTW! My own mother had to go home after a week. She went to see her doctor and was diagnosed with pneumonia.

I was kinda ticked off at somebody! The Universe! Me! Everybody who was somebody! ...Except for maybe my 15 year old who came home from school after late theater rehearsals, hungry and tired.. then tended to me while she tried to do homework and study before she crashed! But I'm over all of that now.

This issue has taught me a this: Keep Being Your Self! But if she ain't kin, don't worry about her! That's honestly how I feel. Even after I got the email from her today, offering closure.

So.. With this blog, I hope to manifest a community of sisters for myself and for others in search of Sisterly Connections when they feel that's what is missing in their lives!

This is a personal blog that will hopefully have great read-ability and great personality! Your opinions matter. I ask that you agree to respectfully disagree when you need to!

But please feel free to bless us with your love when you have some to spare!

Thanks for Being My Sister & My Teacher!
Jackie